"Has it really been that long," I asked myself, "that I can't remember my last secret squirrel?"

Yes.

No longer content to be aimless and wandering with posts, I have decided to focus the efforts here on reclaiming past awesomeness with new secret squirrel projects. In addition to new ideas, this will become a site to host previous secret squirrel projects.

The first secret squirrel project of the new year is just an idea as of now. I had hoped to have it completed by Valentine's day (hint hint) but the day is coming up sooner than expected. No matter, the secret squirrel is patient. It's a nice feeling to be excited about something again, isn't it?

Welcome back; let's begin.

a strange sense of permanence

I built a fence. It's a modest size, about 60 feet or so. Its purpose, other than containing weeds so far, is to house a dog that I want to get. But this isn't really about the dog.

I've always wanted a dog since I was a little kid. For one, I'm severely allergic to cats even though I really like them. Dogs are goofy enough that we're kindred spirits, so it was always dogs. So what did I get growing up? Fish. Probably a good choice on the part of my parents.

Fast-forward about 30 years through elementary, intermediate, high school, college, work, college again, more work, California, and finally a legitimate higher education in Washington, and you find me here- working, loving, living. Now that I'm back home and settled in for what could technically be called a "career", the wanderlust that had fueled many sleepless nights seems to have abated as well. Of course, I still want to travel the world, but I'm not desperately searching for a place to call home.

Back to the fence. I tackled this project like I do all my projects: blind. Yet again I learned along the way, making the same mistakes I've had with other projects. "Sure, I can do this by myself." is a common problem that I have, but still find ways to actually manage. Could've done without the blisters though.

Anyway, the designated dog area is off a corner of our backyard where the outside laundry room is. Outside the laundry room is an older part of the house that was extended to build a shed, and the concrete slab is dated over 50 years ago. To put it in a little perspective, my dad was 15 when he helped pour that with my grandpa.

By the way, since we've mentioned concrete, do you know the difference between concrete and cement? Is there a difference at all? Yes, yes there is. Concrete is basically your hard finished product: sidewalks, buildings, tiles, etc. Cement is the ground powder that is used to make concrete. This fact will come in handy at least once in your life. If it doesn't, come find me and I'll buy you a beer.

So after I put my first fence post into the ground, I tagged the drying concrete with "2011" and stare. This post is only a few feet away from the slab that my grandpa and dad put in. I doubt that they could imagine what things would be like in that spot, over 50 years from that day. My dad would grow to become a man, a husband, a father. My grandpa would live long enough to see great-grandchildren, and pass away not far from the house he built. And now with another addition to the Tanaka House, the fence becomes a part of our history.

I can't imagine what life for me will be like 50 years from now. Children? Grandchildren? Life, even? I'll leave living, life, and death, and dying for another day. But I do know that I'm home, at least for now.

fill 'er up

Good food, drink, and conversation always make for a good night. So what else does it take for a soul to be fulfilled? A lover? Sanctity? God? Dog? A 50 gallon salt water aquarium?

I've taken my chances with a lot of things, some too boring to list. Some, well, probably best to leave off the internet. And yet here I exist, fortunate enough to have lived another day (that turtle from Kung-Fu Panda is right, by the way. every day is a gift.) but still searching for more. Most every day I wake up happy to be fortunate enought to have all that I have. "Count your blessings..." Sorry, not enough time. Suffice to say I definitely have more physical STUFF than I need. But I am left wanting.

Is it more spiritual than physical? Possibly. Could even be lack of sex for all I know. But I am hard pressed to believe that I felt any better when I was going to church regularly. Of course, I've never had steady amounts of sex either, so who knows.

Unfortunately, dear reader, this is what happens when too much ideas strike at one time with no outline, no notes, and no posts in months. I've already deleted three paragraphs that failed to carry out a singular purpose. I still feel the need to write about things. Now it seems to be more about writing purposefully. Heck, even I would get tired of reading this ramble. I shall do better.

Or I won't; how about THAT? Ain't life grand? Celebrate the fact that you can make choices.

the talk

My dad once asked me if I was "screwing around" with anyone.
I said, "No."
He said, "Ok."
And that was the sex talk.

This one's a little better:
http://www.ted.com/talks/julia_sweeney_has_the_talk.html

More to come.

still here?

coming soon: the sex talk!

taking inventory

• Cap, gown, and diploma.
• Grad party with friends and family.
• New/old job with exciting possibilities.
• 4 hikes (pathetic!)
• Beach three times, water twice.
• Shave ice at Waiola's 5 times.
• 2 mangoes.
• First digital slr camera.
• 3 music gigs.
• 25 inches of hair cut.
• Two 1001 crane projects.
• First aid certified.
• 30 gallon salt water tank (initial), triton snail, dwarf moray (deceased).
• 5 gallon salt water tank (current).
• 4 births, 2 deaths.
• Las Vegas, San Francisco, Maui, Washington, Oregon, Big Island.
• Forklift operator.
• World Beer Pong champs (Team Columbia).
• 1 sweatervest.
• 1 love lost.
• 12 pounds gained.
• 1 pair squeak-free sneakers.
• Larger mattress, pillow top.
• 3 new body aches.
• 1 anxiety attack.
• 3 colds.
• 2 crushes.
• 2 weddings.
• 1 blog.
• No dog yet.

night surfing

I wonder what kind of tone this blog would have if I wrote during the day. I find myself terrifyingly withdrawn into a temperature-controlled, soft, dark cocoon whenever I feel like writing. All I can see beyond the keyboard is the glow of "78" from the air conditioner. I'm sure some vitamin D would change things up. For now, I'll sit in this dark arena with the monitor casting a double glare off my glasses. But on to the reason I'm here tonight.

After reading a few disturbingly real news articles, I got to thinking about Legacy again. I was obsessed with my legacy for a while. Honestly, I probably still am. What am I contributing to this world? What can I pass on that can be sustained? I don't have any kids (yet) obviously since that would probably nullify this whole rant. Kids are okay, but I don't have any right now. Moving on.

I'm starting to feel selfish about some of the things I've done to leave a legacy. Not that they weren't cool (trust, one in particular was way cool) but big whoop, I didn't change the world. What good did it do? Okay, before I get all down on myself I can honestly say that I've done things that help people become creative and inspired. Maybe... maybe I just want to do more of that kind of legacy work.

I love working with my hands. My hands are awesome. I have short fingers, but they do good work. No, for real, I have short fingers. Regular, guy-size hand, short lady fingers. Anyway, just thought I'd mention. It's not unreasonable to imagine that I can change people's lives with the work from my hands. Music, craft, writing, maybe not so much cooking. But what else? Never mind my hands. It's not about the hands.

What does it take to change lives for the better? Do we do it for ourselves, or do we do it for others? How much of a balance can there be between the two without feeling selfish? Oh, then there's altruism. Is there ever such a thing as a purely unselfish act? And then, of course, does it matter?


ps, just realize that there's a kind of counter on this thing for visitors.
hello, reader. pardon the lack of caps but I tend to type this way when I'm feeling a little more relaxed. but please note the proper capitalization of "I". it's a strange sensation to think of how far these words can go. with that, take heed, dear reader. help others when you can. if you can make a go of it, do it purposefully for as long as you are able. know that little things can change the world.